The Art of the Soft Sell
by DezoPenguin
Summary: For this particular shopping trip to buy supplies for her upcoming trip with Shizuru, Natsuki did not invite Nao along to help. But when they happens to meet up anyway, Nao finds that a single nun is not the best-educated person in the intricacies of a couple's choices of intimate apparel.


_A/N: This story takes place in the "Duran and Kiyohime's Omake Theater" continuity, but since it doesn't feature the CHILDs, I'm not including it in that collection._

~X X X~

Natsuki Kuga was not a particularly religious person, but sometimes she thought that there must be something to the doctrine of reincarnation and karma for past lives, because every once in a while the universe decided to just haul off and hose her. Whether it was getting caught panty-less in an updraft, losing the rock-paper-scissors game to decide who'd strike sexy bikini poses to hitch a ride, or getting stuck with her home-ec grade depending on a group project with Nao, Mikoto, and a rogue Orphan, things just… _happened_ to her.

Things like running into the aforementioned Nao Yuuki while shopping in a lingerie store.

"Stocking up for the big trip, eh, Kuga?" she said, slipping up alongside Natsuki and poking an elbow into her ribs. Natsuki yelped in surprise, having completely overlooked Nao's presence. Flailing in shock, she accidentally tossed her prospective purchase into the air and could only watch as a nightgown came fluttering down to drape itself over her.

Typical.

She yanked the nightgown off her head, which caused her hair to frizz and flutter in a staticy halo.

"What are you doing here, Nao?"

"Hey, just because I'm not a perverted underwear collector like somebody I know doesn't mean I don't wear the stuff."

"Thanks for that mental image."

"Hey, as I recall only one of us has ever _actually been caught out_ like that, and it wasn't me!"

Natsuki flushed crimson, something she thought only Shizuru could get her to do these days. _And why does it feel like I'm cheating to get embarrassed by another girl?_

"How did you find out about _that_!? Even Mai's not that much of a blabbermouth!"

"Yeah, but Takeda is."

"I don't care if he did graduate two years ago; I will hunt him down and kill him."

"Not like that, dumbass. He told Sister Yukariko when he was busy confessing all his impure thoughts. She told the story to us when she was warning us about the 'passions of youth' we'd have to hear about when we counsel troubled students. You know, for a married lady with a kid, she _really_ does not understand a whole lot about how things go in the bedroom."

"You should have been there the day Yukino, Mai, and I explained yaoi to her."

Nao guffawed, drawing eyes from other shoppers.

"Oh, man, I'd have killed to see that, seriously."

"Big deal; you'd kill for a new cell phone."

"I'd leave a perv who macks on teenage hookers unconscious and naked in a back alley for a new cell phone. There _is_ a difference."

"Fair point," Natsuki allowed.

"And as long as I'm making points, is Sister Yukariko the only one who has some issues knowing what to do in the bedroom? I didn't think Fujino was the kind of girl who'd let you stay ignorant, but then I see this and I've got to wonder." She plucked at the sleeve of the nightgown Natsuki was holding.

"What are you talking about?"

"You're shopping for your ski trip with Fujino, right? A week in Hokkaido over winter break?"

"How did you find out about that? The only person I've told is Mai!"

"And she told Aoi, and Aoi told Chie, and since Aoi's my roommate I was there when she did. And knowing Chie, it's probably all over the school by now. So I ask again: what is up with that nightgown?"

Natsuki blinked.

"What's wrong with it?"

"It's baby blue flannel."

"Flannel is fuzzy and snuggly warm! We're going to be staying at a rustic ski lodge. It's going to be really cold, and old buildings are usually drafty. I'm getting Shizuru a lavender one so we match."

Nao facepalmed.

"You're going on a romantic getaway with your girlfriend, Kuga. Shouldn't you be getting something like, oh, that?" She pointed at a teddy that was mostly lace except for strategically placed silk panels that could be opened by loosening strategically placed ribbons.

Natsuki sighed, shaking her head sadly.

"Poor, poor Nao," she hammed it up. "So innocent in the ways of the world. Well, it's only appropriate for a Sister."

"…If I punched you in the face, it would count as the holy smiting of God's judgment, Kuga."

"Look, how long have Shizuru and I been together?"

"You two rented that house during spring break after the HiME Festival, so that's about a year and seven months."

"Right. And during that time, don't you think that we've slept together reasonably often and gotten pretty familiar with what each other's bodies look like?"

Nao's lip curled.

"There are so many sarcastic remarks I could make to that, but given some of the things I've heard about you two and Chinese take-out, I'm just going to say yes and leave it there."

"Well, that's the point. Something like that," she jerked her thumb at the teddy, "is advertising. You wear it because the person you're with has never seen you before and you want to show off in the best possible light."

"So what, after a while you just don't care any more and can just stand around looking like a frump? I thought the flannel-nightgown stage of a relationship was when you'd been together for forty years and going to bed early means getting some extra sleep."

Natsuki rolled her eyes.

"The point is, by now Shizuru is fairly familiar with what's available _and_ where she can go to find it. I don't need to come on like a used-car salesman desperate to close the deal."

Nao stared at her, then gave up, shaking her head.

"My _God_ , you sound so smug about that."

Natsuki smiled at her.

"Hey, if a relationship doesn't make you feel smug about being in it, you're probably better off single, right?"

"Probably true, and _definitely_ annoying, dammit."

Natsuki decided that irritating Nao without even working at it had to count as some kind of payback for the embarrassment.

"As long as you're here, though, let me get your opinion on picking out something sexy for tonight, though."

"What happened to not having to advertise?" Nao drawled.

"Well, Shizuru's been taking a marketing course this year, and while you don't want to keep trying to sell to people that are already on board with your product, there's something to be said about customer appreciation and regularly encouraging brand loyalty."


End file.
